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Submitted on
March 25, 2009
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I'm scared of myself 'cause I hear voices in my head,
Telling me when I'm wrong, saying I should be dead,
The voices question my sanity until even I think I'm crazy
They tell me that I'm all alone, that no one stands by me,
They say I'm unwanted and feed on my fears,
They claim that when I cry no one sees or hears my tears,
That no one cares when I cry,
That no one will miss me when I die
When I'm angry or sad, they whisper in my ear
To eliminate the source of my pain, but I choose not to hear
Because I don't want to hurt anyone, to kill,
So then they tell me I should die, but I live through sheer will,
Hope that one day I'll wake up and the voices will be gone,
But I don't see how - they've been with me so long,
Questioning everything about me 'til I think I'm the worst,
Saying that the worst day in history was the day of my birth
The voices hurt me mentally, emotionally,
Sometimes they even hurt me physically
It's hard to live with them, to share my mind,
To feel like my brain isn't even mine,
To fight them off, to hold them at bay,
To try and be normal, push those voices away
I know I could tell someone, ask for help from them,
But that may prove to be a bit of a problem -
They may lock me up, calling me "crazy",
Tell me that I'm insane, a danger to me,
So I'll keep it inside, keep this secret shut away,
And keep on trying to live my life everyday
'Cause I'm not insane, I know what this is:
The only thing wrong with me is that I'm schizophrenic.
This poem was written in 30 minutes during a math class. Basically, I'd been reading up on psychology the night before, and I'd been thinking a lot about schizophrenia since then because it really peaked my curiosity. I couldn't concentrate during math, and when I was meant to be doing some problems, I started writing instead, trying to get into a schizophrenic's frame of mind. I showed it to my psych teacher; he thought it was pretty accurate, so tell me what you think!

This one is about a person with schizophrenia who has a strong idea they're schizophrenic and is describing it, but is afraid to tell anyone about the voices or what's going on in their head for fear of being institutionalized. So they try to live with it as best they can.

NOTE: Schizophrenia does not make anyone crazy or insane, despite people's reactions. It is simply a psychological disorder. Some people with schizophrenia are able to live pretty normally without it ever even being diagnosed, but they do hear voices, which actually NEVER say anything good, they are almost always "evil", so life can be really frightening at times. But they're not insane. I've heard people say that and I don't think it's true.
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TimePlague Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
I actually have schizophrenia. A moment ago I looked it up and found that people really like depicting it as torture and horror. Although I found most of the art astounding, I don't know what people without schizophrenia are supposed to think of it. The stereotype is that schizophrenics are insane, so that's what people think of them. 
I have the negative symptoms only, which include difficulty speaking and paranoia as well as bad posture, but no hallucinations or voices. 
It makes me sad that I have schizophrenia, not insane. 
PhanAwesomeness Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
I have mild schizophrenia, but I don't hear voices, I just have disorganized thinking and speech, as well as loss of train of thought and lack of motivation and lack of desire to form relationships. You know, the negative symptoms? 
Wirsha Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013  Student Digital Artist
wow! amazing!! I love it.
I found this while I was crying because one of my loved one is sick with Schizophrenia, she's exactly the same as you wrote it in the poem, she hear voices, voices that tell her we're going to kill her, that she'll die, she screams and hurt herself because of the voices in her ears, and she keeps saying that she's not sick, it's so hard to deal with a Schizophrenic.

I enjoyed the poem a lot, well done.
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Schizophrenia isn't a sickness
When people say that about mental disorders
It can actually make that worse
Or maybe that's just me?
No, no, a lot of my study-subjects have had similar reactions when they've been called sick for something that is only the brain.
Wirsha Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I really don't know if it's a sickness or not!!

zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's not.
It's a disorder.
That is very different.
Sicknesses can become lethal or terminal or whatever when left un-treated.
Disorders simply make you and your brain work and think differently (this of course can change slightly depending on the disorder)
Kel-Varnsen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think that even the word disorder is wrong. A psychological disorder implies a differentiation from the "normal" way of thinking, but what is normal? Not one person I have met thinks in the same way someone else does. I think the best way to treat these people would not be categorising everyone with a similar set of symptoms into a group and try to normalise them, but to address each specific symptom that causes trouble in living the life they want to live. Some of the time, under recommendation from good doctors mind you, schizophrenia goes untreated as the voices say positive things. I have ADHD and I, in no way, want to be normal. I like my quirkiness, I like my faults. They help make me who I am. 
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
yes, I agree with you completely :)

One of these 'voices'
Although, I don't feel right calling them voices, because they're people without bodies.  Fuck, I could dive into a long explanation about that, but what evs...
Siel, that's her name, is really nice.  She wants to help people and keep everything 'good'.  But she's overdoing it because she's trying to make up for mistakes of the past.

Y'know what song is really good to describe what Schizophrenia is like for me?
Nightmares, by Chameleon Circuit

Wow, I talk a lot
Sorry for wasting your time with all of this
Kel-Varnsen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I have this theory on which I would like your feedback. Having firsthand experience you would know best. Do you think it's possible that the "voices" are a way of projecting your own emotions, feelings etc. in a way that you can properly interpret? Just a theory, but still.
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

In a way, yes

They are almost like personalities, because they make up the emotions I can't feel.
etc, etc

I think that the 'voices' are just projections of a damaged mind, and that it's really just perhaps, for some at least, a way of crying for help?  Not that it gets yuo anywhere, but still...
*you -_-
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