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March 25, 2009
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I'm scared of myself 'cause I hear voices in my head,
Telling me when I'm wrong, saying I should be dead,
The voices question my sanity until even I think I'm crazy
They tell me that I'm all alone, that no one stands by me,
They say I'm unwanted and feed on my fears,
They claim that when I cry no one sees or hears my tears,
That no one cares when I cry,
That no one will miss me when I die
When I'm angry or sad, they whisper in my ear
To eliminate the source of my pain, but I choose not to hear
Because I don't want to hurt anyone, to kill,
So then they tell me I should die, but I live through sheer will,
Hope that one day I'll wake up and the voices will be gone,
But I don't see how - they've been with me so long,
Questioning everything about me 'til I think I'm the worst,
Saying that the worst day in history was the day of my birth
The voices hurt me mentally, emotionally,
Sometimes they even hurt me physically
It's hard to live with them, to share my mind,
To feel like my brain isn't even mine,
To fight them off, to hold them at bay,
To try and be normal, push those voices away
I know I could tell someone, ask for help from them,
But that may prove to be a bit of a problem -
They may lock me up, calling me "crazy",
Tell me that I'm insane, a danger to me,
So I'll keep it inside, keep this secret shut away,
And keep on trying to live my life everyday
'Cause I'm not insane, I know what this is:
The only thing wrong with me is that I'm schizophrenic.
This poem was written in 30 minutes during a math class. Basically, I'd been reading up on psychology the night before, and I'd been thinking a lot about schizophrenia since then because it really peaked my curiosity. I couldn't concentrate during math, and when I was meant to be doing some problems, I started writing instead, trying to get into a schizophrenic's frame of mind. I showed it to my psych teacher; he thought it was pretty accurate, so tell me what you think!

This one is about a person with schizophrenia who has a strong idea they're schizophrenic and is describing it, but is afraid to tell anyone about the voices or what's going on in their head for fear of being institutionalized. So they try to live with it as best they can.

NOTE: Schizophrenia does not make anyone crazy or insane, despite people's reactions. It is simply a psychological disorder. Some people with schizophrenia are able to live pretty normally without it ever even being diagnosed, but they do hear voices, which actually NEVER say anything good, they are almost always "evil", so life can be really frightening at times. But they're not insane. I've heard people say that and I don't think it's true.
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:iconthegothchick781:
thegothchick781 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is a lovely realistic poem, and I would like to ask permission to post this on my own journal, I assure you that I will credit you properly, but this poem does apply to me and a couple of my friend lives and I would appreciate the permission to do so
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:icontimeplague:
TimePlague Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
I actually have schizophrenia. A moment ago I looked it up and found that people really like depicting it as torture and horror. Although I found most of the art astounding, I don't know what people without schizophrenia are supposed to think of it. The stereotype is that schizophrenics are insane, so that's what people think of them. 
I have the negative symptoms only, which include difficulty speaking and paranoia as well as bad posture, but no hallucinations or voices. 
It makes me sad that I have schizophrenia, not insane. 
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:iconphanawesomeness:
PhanAwesomeness Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
I have mild schizophrenia, but I don't hear voices, I just have disorganized thinking and speech, as well as loss of train of thought and lack of motivation and lack of desire to form relationships. You know, the negative symptoms? 
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:iconwirsha:
Wirsha Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow! amazing!! I love it.
I found this while I was crying because one of my loved one is sick with Schizophrenia, she's exactly the same as you wrote it in the poem, she hear voices, voices that tell her we're going to kill her, that she'll die, she screams and hurt herself because of the voices in her ears, and she keeps saying that she's not sick, it's so hard to deal with a Schizophrenic.

I enjoyed the poem a lot, well done.
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:iconzoruakat:
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Schizophrenia isn't a sickness
When people say that about mental disorders
It can actually make that worse
Or maybe that's just me?
No, no, a lot of my study-subjects have had similar reactions when they've been called sick for something that is only the brain.
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:iconwirsha:
Wirsha Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really don't know if it's a sickness or not!!

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:iconzoruakat:
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
It's not.
It's a disorder.
That is very different.
Sicknesses can become lethal or terminal or whatever when left un-treated.
Disorders simply make you and your brain work and think differently (this of course can change slightly depending on the disorder)
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:iconkel-varnsen:
Kel-Varnsen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think that even the word disorder is wrong. A psychological disorder implies a differentiation from the "normal" way of thinking, but what is normal? Not one person I have met thinks in the same way someone else does. I think the best way to treat these people would not be categorising everyone with a similar set of symptoms into a group and try to normalise them, but to address each specific symptom that causes trouble in living the life they want to live. Some of the time, under recommendation from good doctors mind you, schizophrenia goes untreated as the voices say positive things. I have ADHD and I, in no way, want to be normal. I like my quirkiness, I like my faults. They help make me who I am. 
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:iconzoruakat:
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
yes, I agree with you completely :)

One of these 'voices'
Although, I don't feel right calling them voices, because they're people without bodies.  Fuck, I could dive into a long explanation about that, but what evs...
Siel, that's her name, is really nice.  She wants to help people and keep everything 'good'.  But she's overdoing it because she's trying to make up for mistakes of the past.

Y'know what song is really good to describe what Schizophrenia is like for me?
Nightmares, by Chameleon Circuit

...
Wow, I talk a lot
:I
Sorry for wasting your time with all of this
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:iconkel-varnsen:
Kel-Varnsen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I have this theory on which I would like your feedback. Having firsthand experience you would know best. Do you think it's possible that the "voices" are a way of projecting your own emotions, feelings etc. in a way that you can properly interpret? Just a theory, but still.
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:iconzoruakat:
zoruakat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Uhhhhhhhhhm

In a way, yes

They are almost like personalities, because they make up the emotions I can't feel.
Happiness-Siel
Anger-Q
Sadness-Dark
etc, etc

I think that the 'voices' are just projections of a damaged mind, and that it's really just perhaps, for some at least, a way of crying for help?  Not that it gets yuo anywhere, but still...
fakshdfkjad;klsdg\f
*you -_-
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(1 Reply)
:iconalee13:
Alee13 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student General Artist
I hear things on a daily basis, I've always had this "imaginary friend" that never goes away. But they are more than one person, they are always there, but it's not just negative. Most of the things they say to me put me down, but at the same time they are my mother and father. They are my caretakers.
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:iconalee13:
Alee13 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student General Artist
Everyone asks me if I hear voices, or if i see things that aren't there. The answer is yes, but I will always say no. I'm not crazy, however many times people tell me I am. I just want to go through one day in life without being told what to do every minute.
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:iconfinestrainbow:
FinestRainbow Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Student General Artist
someone like me... :)
hi :)

i dont feel like i "hear" or "see" things.. i just feel like i am
surrounded by some friends other people cant see. they protect me. there are some scary ones though.. like number 5. he tells me to hurt my sister. because she has talent, and i dont. he says she deserves to die. but i love her.
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:icondemonicangel011:
DemonicAngel011 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Student General Artist
I'm only going to drop in a bit late...
My doctor told me I have minor to major Schizophrenia.
I am like you though.
I "see" things that nobody else can and I "hear" things. Weird and Scary things. My name's said most of the time, mostly by the little girl.
I named her Emily. She has a brother named Jasper.
They're awfully nice, but sometimes they can be mean.
Emily tells me to hurt my dad since he favors my brother.
But I can't.

Oh well.

I just wanted to say Hello :3
sorry if this is random :iconsweatdropplz:
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:iconfinestrainbow:
FinestRainbow Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Hello:3
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:icondemonicangel011:
DemonicAngel011 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Student General Artist
c: Herro
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:iconfinestrainbow:
FinestRainbow Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Student General Artist
C: Herro c:
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:iconmoosezoomin:
Moosezoomin Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Writer
This is really well written.
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :) I appreciate it!
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:iconlunarwind7:
lunarwind7 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012
While my condition is actually Shizoaffective Disorder, there are a whole lot of overlapping symptoms. I can completely relate to this poem as these are the sort of things that I deal with on a daily basis. To those out there with mental illnesses: Don't be afraid to seek help. There are people who care about you, whether your family or perhaps a close friend, and psychologists and psychiatrists who are not out to hurt you or put you away. It is their job to help you get back to being able to function. It actually took 2 friends, one of whom was schizophrenic, to convince me to finally seek professional help. I'll hop off of my soapbox now, it's just something that I feel very strongly about.
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for your comment! As a psychology major in college, I have also been trying to let commenters know that they are not alone and that there is help and services available to them. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Do not be afraid to speak your mind :)
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:iconmoosezoomin:
Moosezoomin Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Writer
This is exactly what I say to people about depression and anger (I suffer from both): if anyone is going to help you, it's going to be you or no one. Don't let your condition control you; control it!
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:iconrainbowchildxx:
RainbowChildxx Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
im trying to get to a psychiatrist and get diagnosed so i can get help. i believe im schizophrenic, but no one believes me when i tell them i hear things that aren't there. it scares me. it scares me because i dont even know whats real anymore. sometimes i dont even know if I am even real or not, but i suppose i must be otherwise i wouldn't be able to write this.

anyway, point is this is really good :) i added to faves
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Have you gone yet? I hope you found the help and answers you were looking for. I find it truly terrible that no one believed you. We as a society draw so much attention to mental health, only to turn away those who actually want and seek it. It's awful. I hope you are healthy and well and doing much better! Thank you for sharing and for your comment and favorite. It means a lot to me, so thank you!
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:iconmoosezoomin:
Moosezoomin Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Writer
I'm glad you are going. I hope things turn out well for you. Best wishes :)
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:iconunicheeze:
unicheeze Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
It's the same with me, but I don't tell anyone. I mean.. I hear voices, too. There's two bad ones and one good. The good HARDLY comes out. I've only heard it once these past couple months. It said "Say something you like about yourself." But I couldn't say anything. When I thought something, the others would butt in. "I'm a good artist" Then they'd laugh at me saying "You can't even draw a flower idiot" ...Anyways I'm babbling. I can relate :P
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You can talk to those voices like someone in the previous comments did. Tell them off, tell them you're worth something, because you are. I hope that you can push past those mean voices to love yourself. If you need help to do that, there are plenty of services available that can help. I hope they do.
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:iconunicheeze:
unicheeze Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Easier said than done. You don't completely understand. It's like telling yourself to screw off, you can't. They're always there whispering. Even if you tell them off they won't listen- at least mine won't. If I do, they just laugh at me, saying "Stop talking back to me. Just listen" And it's hard to describe the tone but it's really intimidating. It's pretty impossible for me.
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know I can't possibly get it. I tried, which is where the whole poem came from, but I can't. It sounds positively frightening. Like I said, if you need help, help is available. Don't be afraid to go find it if you would like it. Even if you can't make your voices go away on your own, there are other people who can help you to lock them away.
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:iconmichaelcope:
michaelcope Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I am a schizo like and enjoy the piece your very talented
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very very much! It means a lot to me.
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:iconmichaelcope:
michaelcope Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your very welcome
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:iconbgasz:
bgasz Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
so many times people have called me a faker, never do they believe me when i tell them somethings wrong, but know i'm not the only one that feels just as you described
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Never ever let the losers and a**holes of the world get you down! No matter what you feel, you are beautiful, and you are the only one who knows how you feel. You sound like someone who actually has tied to get some help. Have you tried to tell your parents? If even they won't listen, then it's time to go see someone on your own if you truly want the help! There are services in place for you to take advantage of. Please do not be afraid to do just that!

Thank you for sharing :)
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:iconderpytacos:
derpytacos Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Being a schizophrenic myself, I think this is really accurate. It actually made me cry! You did a wonderful job on this, and it's very relatable.
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm just about in tears myself reading all of these beautiful comments! Thank you very much for yours :)
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:iconkryatal344:
kryatal344 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this describes me...too well
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I hope you are doing well nonetheless!
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:iconaislinnisle:
aislinnisle Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012
im schizophrenic myself and my voices say alot of whats in this poem so thankyou for writing it.
Reply
:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your comment! I am touched by how many are able to relate to it and by how many are commenting and thanking me! Please be happy and healthy!
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:iconmikilayla09:
mikilayla09 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012  Student General Artist
this is ahhhmazing. this sounds exactly like me. No one knows except my best friend. I'm depressed most of the time because it, when I get stressed it always gets worst. I try to ignore them but its so hard not to scream when I see them and hear them. It's not terrible all the time but when it get bad I have to call my best friend and the only thing that calms me is his voice singing to me.
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! I hope that in the year since your comment, you have sought some kind of help, if not for the schizophrenia (for fear of what everyone will say), then at least for the depression. These two things coupled together, even though one results from the other, do not make for a good combination. I am so glad you can relate to my poem, and so glad that you have an amazing friend to lean on. He sounds wonderful. But do not be afraid to take advantage of the system, which is supposed to be there to help you <3 Thank you for sharing!
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:iconmegyaszt:
megyaszt Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Good portrait of the mentally ill. I'm schizoaffective, so I'm touched in my heart... :sniff:
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I am touched by the comments I'm reading right now. I have not logged into DeviantArt in over a year and a half, so to log on and to see how many people I have touched with my poem is staggering and beautiful and touching to me! So thank you!
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:iconjssanda:
JSSanDA Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2011
That is so accurate, I actually thought you were schizophrenic as I was reading it. I am schizophrenic, and don't worry about the 'insanity' stuff. I do feel insane, and i know a lot of people have the wrong perception mainly because of media and movies.
It is a very scary illness, not knowing what the future will hold, not knowing how i will ever cope alone, and sometimes you see people moan about simple things in life like a messy house or a bad hair day etc, but living with any illness makes you realise that those things are unimportant, so i suppose in some ways it's good. I appreciate what i do have, and never take anything for granted. this work is brilliant, well done xxxx
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am so sorry it is taking me this long to reply. I have not been on DeviantArt in well over a year and a half.

It is a very scary illness. I hope that you have been well since your comment. I was surprised at how I slipped into the correct frame of mind to write this poem, so it means a lot to hear that it sounds sincere. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment!
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:iconjssanda:
JSSanDA Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
<3 I have had ups and downs like everyone does, but I'm still here, still surviving, so thats a good thing, and I hope you are well flower xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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:iconsecretlyamermaid:
secretlyamermaid Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
This is... so true and such a beautifully written poem.
That part about being scared to tell someone because of being scared they'll lock you up is spot on.
I'm scared to tell anyone because of that.
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:iconlacharmeureuse:
LaCharmeureuse Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am so sorry it is taking me this long to reply. I have not been on DeviantArt in well over a year and a half.

It's been a year and a half since your comment. I don't know if you have seeked any help yet, but if not, it might be worth it to tell someone, even if it's only a friend who can see how you're doing. It's a frightening thing, and I say it so you can have some comfort in all of it. Thank you so much for your feedback and good luck!
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